Saw a book today, called '14,000 Things to be Happy About.'
Which led me to today's topic:
'14,000 Reasons to Go Get Fucked.'
What do you guys say we start this meeting?
#1) Because you're dumber than me.
#2) Because I had to buy a new DVD player after the breakup.
#3) Because my cat understands me better than you do.
#4) Because, whatever you might think, your kid is not 'special.'
#5) Because your dreams are not interesting to me.
#6) Because you will not sway me when you rant about your political viewpoints.
#7) Because you think having god on your side makes you righteous, when all it really does is
make you a jackass.
#8) Because you quit smoking and I didn't.
#9) Because you have a better car.
#10) Because you think Larry Niven is some kind of literary god, and I don't even know who the
fuck he is.
#11) Because you're Chuck Klosterman.
Okay, whew. I'm worn out now. Please feel free to add to this list.